It’s time to fly….

A few years ago, I watched a nature programme on TV documenting the lives of some fledgling birds getting ready to leave the nest. I remember my feelings of terror and fascination as I watched them perching, one by one, on the nest edge, before launching themselves off into the sky for the first time. ‘Wow’, I thought, ‘what courage to take that leap! Where did they get that confidence?’ The nest was surely comfortable, and they were fed and cared for by their mother. But they were just doing what came naturally to them. What kind of life would it be to stay forever in the nest? To miss out on that experience of freedom, seeing the world from above as they glided and soared on the air currents?

Have you ever had the experience of wanting to do something, but not doing it? Sitting on the edge, maybe sticking your head out a little, but not quite ready to jump? How much do we miss out on in our lives by not taking these leaps into the unknown? And what happened to that innate confidence that we were surely born with, just like those little birds?

I think for many of us, our experiences growing up have taught us to doubt ourselves. Worried about potential for failure, messing things up or being judged as unworthy, we conjure up a multitude of reasons to stay well within our comfort zone. Often, when we feel vulnerable, we develop ways of feeling safe, such as avoidance. Unfortunately, these strategies will never serve us when it comes to self-discovery and growth!

Realising that we were not born doubting ourselves gives us the power to make the changes needed to the way we perceive ourselves. If self-doubt is a strategy we have adopted in order to feel safe at times of vulnerability, it means we have created this pattern. It is not intrinsically who we are! And if we have created this pattern, it means we have the power to dismantle it too.

This is great news to anyone who has ever wished they were more confident. It does not have to be an elusive pipe-dream that will always be beyond your reach. Have you ever met anyone who just does not doubt themselves? They exist, and what’s more, they are usually thriving. I’m not talking about arrogance, it’s just plain old confidence, a belief that they will be okay, and they will survive, no matter what happens to them. A belief in positive future outcomes: that’s what is needed to take that leap into the unknown.

How can we all learn to be like this?

Firstly, as we established, you have to understand will full clarity that your self-doubts are based on fake beliefs. You’ve made them up as a way of protecting yourself when there were no other strategies available to you (usually because you were little).

Secondly, you have to understand the components of confidence.

Confidence is not thinking you know how to do something. That is simply knowing how to do something! Confidence is your capability to do something multiplied by your ability to learn.

In simple terms, if you feel your capability is low, do you have an ability to learn to improve, no matter how long it may take you? If the answer to this question is yes, as it always is (we all have infinite ability to go on learning), then you can say goodbye to your self-doubt. It has no place in the mind-set of someone who believes in their ability to learn.

So in summary, doubts are fake because they are simply thoughts we have applied to ourselves to help us feel safe, and confidence is real because we can always learn what we need to learn.

So, is there now anything you believe that you cannot do within the realms of human possibility?

If so, do you also believe that you can never learn to do it? Yes, you may need to find the right teacher, you may need to commit to the process of learning, and it’s true that dismantling self-doubting thought patterns does not happen overnight, but it is possible, and what’s more, it is what you deserve. We should all live freely with an abundance of confidence!

Ask yourself, is it my time to fly? If you’re not quite there yet, book yourself a flying lesson and learn! You’ll be flying in no time at all.

Love & light,

Ruth

[dssb_sharing_buttons columns=”2″ _builder_version=”4.20.2″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″][dssb_sharing_button _builder_version=”4.20.2″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″][/dssb_sharing_button][dssb_sharing_button social_network=”linkedin” _builder_version=”4.20.2″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/dssb_sharing_button][dssb_sharing_button social_network=”whatsapp” _builder_version=”4.20.2″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/dssb_sharing_button][dssb_sharing_button social_network=”email” _builder_version=”4.20.2″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][/dssb_sharing_button][/dssb_sharing_buttons]

Book a Consultation Call

Join me for a free 30 minute session to discuss what you’d like to get from coaching, and whether we would be a good fit to work together.

More from the blog

How do I slow down and start enjoying life?

Getting off the Hamster Wheel A few years ago, I was forced to slow down. There was no choice involved and I desperately didn’t want to. I’d burnt out before, several times, but this time was different. It hit me more physically, as I struggled to get up in the...

What is Burnout?

Burnout is a state of physical and emotional exhaustion. It can occur when you experience long-term stress in your job, or when you have worked in a physically or emotionally draining role for a long time. (Mental Health UK)

The World Health Organisation (WHO) define burnout as a syndrome, not a medical condition or mental disorder. They report that it is caused by ‘chronic, work-related stress that has not been successfully managed.’

How much love do you deserve? (Or: Why we need to stop being so hard on ourselves)

Do you believe that you’re fully deserving of love? I mean, totally 100% worthy. I’m talking about not even having a flicker of a doubt about it (but I’m not talking about arrogance or feelings of superiority). Can you put your hand on your heart and say ‘Yes, I’m...

An Embodied Guide to Recovery from Burnout

Have you felt the kind of tiredness as if you’re dragging yourself through life, days merging into one another, with a mantra on repeat: ‘I’ve got to just keep going’ (like those images of people crawling through a desert to find water and therefore, survival)?

Why self-awareness is the key to our lives

Ask yourself this: Would you prefer to be aware of yourself or unaware of yourself? Simple to answer, isn’t it? People sometimes ask me why I talk so much about ‘awareness’ and what I actually mean by it. Awareness is purely having understanding of what you’re...

5 Simple Ways to Support yourself with Fatigue and Burnout

For the longest time I didn’t recognise that I was burnt out. For years I went in cycles of boom and bust, not understanding what was happening, and why I couldn’t keep up, despite doing a stressful job in toxic conditions. I blamed myself for not being up to it. I imagined I should be this superhero figure who could cope with anything. And that was all without understanding the impact of my own early childhood difficulties, and long held pattern of anxiety, and how stress impacted my nervous system.

How do I find Work Life Balance?

As a therapeutic coach, the second most common question I get asked is: ‘How do I find better work-life balance?’ (The first being how to manage stress & anxiety). Generally, when people say they want to improve their work-life balance, what they are asking is...